and sometimes life gives you this

i love my life.

ive been ridiculously busy lately, deadlines, dirty laundry, blisters on my feet, out of clean socks, looking in the mirror and seeing the same lame thing.

but somehow im still so happy. maybe ive moved on to this bigger and better level of my life where i accept things. or maybe its just the happy music on my iPod even though its hailing as i jump on the bus each day. whatever it is, i like.

or maybe its because in the past week ive been in a bar, a coffee shop, in a research lab, in a book, in a co-op, in denial, in some very very awkward situtaitons, in doubt, in someone else's shoes, in and out of my mind.

i need to figure out wat will happen to me after graduation, which is August(OMFG), not because im in a hurry, but because if i dont figure it out soon, i wont have a place to live, or to go, or anything to do. i want to travel, be spontaneous, everything i ever wanted, it will happen after graduation. ill be a traveling B.A. sounds funny. if anyone can direct me to a place, a website, an organization where i can find some kind of job or volunteer work that is not in CA or even in the country i will be forever greatful.

for now i write my short paper on procedural injustice.
currently reading "50 ways to support lesbian and gay equality" by marah and watrous

i am socially awkward

2am and i don't want to go to bed

because i had too much coffee at work. and i had too much stuff to do today and coffee, well... it works. my mind has been invaded. yes. by some unusually attractive thoughts. i cant share them, i might be way too embarrassed, but i must say that living inside my head is not too shabby at times. ive been negative lately. but not in a negative way. i want things that i cant have. or maybe tis that i can have them but i will not allow myself to. or maybe its that i dont know if i can get them so i dont even try. sad. sad. ive been all up in social justice. ive been taking marvelous courses on the subject and im actually considering law. not to be a sleazy short skirted Aly McBeal, but to enforce some, social justice if you will, into the already corrupt system. i didnt even know how many awful things are going on in the world, how could i have been so oblivious? and none of them are unforeseen such as an earthquake and sometimes a break up(although most times u can see it u just ignore the signs). but i have been very unhappy with the way things are. i went to court, a little drunk, but either way, i went to check out the scene with some of my classmates. i can see myself wearing that black toga, or whatever the judges wear, saying stuff, sounding important. im getting off track.

i also made a new resolution to drink every day. i know i may turn into an alcoholic, but i wont really drink every day. i might have a glass of wine every once in a while to ease things up. why shouldn;t i take advantage of life's precious gifts? i learned somewhere that sleep deprivation is similar to being under the influence of alcohol. Maybe that's why im rambling so much.

how can someone be "under the influence"? Nobody forced them. If anything is under influence its the alcohol, not the person. Politics.

finished reading: Nickel and Dimed by Barbara Ehrenreich (exceptionally good, totally recommend)